Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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