fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
