Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
