i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
