saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
