well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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