you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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