I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
