I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
