a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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