u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
