I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
