remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
