I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
