I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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