Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
