i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
