remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
