I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
