if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
