No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
