dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
