I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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