Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The beer is more important than you right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
