i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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