sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
