Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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