People in love make me want to vomit
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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