Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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