his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
