Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
