Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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