i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
