I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
