false alarm. still invincible.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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