Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
