Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You left your underwear on the fireplace
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
