Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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