I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
