craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
