I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
