Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
