i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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