I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
