what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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