Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
