I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
