im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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