i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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