what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
