oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
false alarm. still invincible.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
