i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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