there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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