My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
